The Courage to be Disliked

This book is a personal development book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. The book is written in a different form where a young man visits a philosopher to get personal assistance. The man has five conversations with the philosopher. There are dialogues and verbal arguments between them. At the end of the last dialogue, the young man’s life changes. The book teaches you how to take control of yourself, live in present and be happy. You will also learn about how to be free from others’ expectations and judgments.  

The book is based on the teachings of the 19th-century psychologist, Alfred Adler. The book became popular in Japan and other parts of the world owing to its easy content. Adlerian psychology is regarded as profoundly liberating as it teaches us that our happiness is in our hands and not in past traumas. “Your unhappiness cannot be blamed on your past or your environment. And it isn’t that you lack competence. You just lack courage. One might say you are lacking in the courage to be happy.” The past should not spoil our present. If we decide we can change ourselves at any time. The Japanese authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga studied Alfred Adler’s work in detail and presented his theory in a repackaged form.  

The book reveals that insecurity towards self can invite troubles in our lives and interpersonal relations. We always blame people or circumstances for our unhappiness. Letting go of excuses requires courage and if  we succeed in it, we will find happiness. Adler’s philosophy says that the feeling of inferiority should be taken as an opportunity to grow and excel in our lives. It can work as a stimulant or launch pad to healthy striving and growth. The book conveys that we cannot make someone like us. We can do our best to perform our duties and be genuine selves but it is another person’s task to like us or not.

 There are some beautiful lines in the book,

“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.”

 “It’s enough to just keep moving in a forward direction, without competing with anyone.”

“You’re the only one who’s worried about how you look”

“Your life is not something that someone gives you, but something you choose yourself, and you are the one who decides how you live.”

 “Desire for recognition makes you unfree.”