My Father-An Unsung Hero

This story is about my father “Shyamsundar Pandit Deshpande” who was an ordinary man with extraordinary deeds. I don’t know how many of my friends would co-relate with this story but what I felt while writing my father’s story was something unexplainable. Going down memory lane, recalling old days spent with my father gave a true satisfaction. 

A few days back I spoke to my mother over the phone. The date was on 27th Jan and like every year, we reminisced about my father’s last day in our house. It happened to be the day when he had dinner from my mother’s hands for the last time. On the 28th I got a call from my mother; he was kept on a ventilator. For the next two days, he was critical and on 30th Jan he left us. His age was 76. In those two days, amidst the hustle-bustle of the hospital, I could not even realize that he was leaving us. Over these years, I have started missing him more. In the past four years, not a single day has passed without thinking about him. We miss him on every occasion. Sometimes my father comes into my dreams. Sitting on a chair in the veranda, where morning sunrays would come directly on his face, I find him reading the newspaper. He would read 3 to 4 newspapers in a day. He would be restless if the newspaper boy got late anytime. Though we are not staying in that house anymore, the same old house comes in my dreams often because there so are many memories attached to it.

His dream house

After staying in a rented house for some years, my parents built a new house and shifted there in 1981. Since then, it was our little world where, my sister, brother, and I, grew up. It was my father’s dream house with a small garden in the front yard and a beautiful kitchen garden in the backyard. We had guava, papaya, pomegranate, Chiku (sapota), and lemon tree in our backyard. Amongst the flowering plants, Marigold was the most loved one. On Dusshera and Diwali, we never got flowers from the market. We had so many flowers at home that sometimes we would give them to our neighbors as well. My father would love to gift chikus and kairi (raw mango) to our guests. Those chikus were so sweet. I still miss them. Not a single chiku of the market can match that sweetness. Sometimes watermelon creepers would also come up on their own in our garden. My father would always bring a new sapling while coming from the office. Watching him, I would also collect sprigs of various flowering plants like “Tagari”, “Kunda”, “Kanher” and “mogra” from my neighborhood and would plant them wherever I found a place. Years later, when I visited my parent’s place I saw those small sprigs turned into nice flowering plants. I remember me and my 2 besties would play “Bhatukali” under the guava tree. We would collect wooden sticks after roaming for around 2 to 3 hours. We would bring all the ingredients from home and then cook a meal on chulha in our garden. The garden was very dear to my father still he would not mind the smoke coming out from the chulha. Moreover, he would enjoy the half-cooked Batata (potato) sabji and burnt rotis made by us. 

Our house was open to everyone. All our friends would gather every day at our place and we would play the whole day. Those were amazing days full of fun and frolic. Whether it was kojagiri Poornima or watching movies on VCR, my parents were always ready for it. Only on one condition. My mother being a movie buff would always endorse one movie of her choice. So, amongst all the latest movies there used to be one old movie (sometimes black and white) which we had to watch reluctantly. We would rent a VCR and watch 4 to 5 movies back to back at our place. When I would get up early morning around 3 or 4 am, I would find someone sleeping on the sofa, someone lying on the dari, someone would be watching carefully his favorite movie with sleepy eyes. It used to be a hilarious sight. 

When I began to write about my father I realized he had so many qualities and I could not write them in a single paragraph. So, I made a list of his qualities. 

A scholar

My father belonged to Barshi, a place near Solapur district of Maharashtra. At the age of 17, he stepped out of his house and went to Aurangabad. He stayed with his uncle and pursued a job there. He continued with his studies and did his master’s in Law and Library Science and joined Punjabrao Deshmukh Krishi Vidyapeeth, Akola as an Assistant Librarian. Later, he got promoted to University Librarian in PDKV. He had a profound knowledge of various subjects like agriculture, library science, arts, and politics. Despite being an art graduate his interest in learning science and technology was noteworthy. He was always experimental with things. I remember whenever there was any problem with the TV, fridge or mixer we never took it to any electrical shop. Our engineer was at home. He would open it and I don’t know what he would do with that, but somehow things used to work. He adapted himself very swiftly to the changing trends in technology. When the internet was introduced in his office, he was the first one to learn and implement it. He even taught me how to send an email and browse the internet. His general knowledge and current affairs updates were commendable. You ask him any long-form and he would tell the answer immediately. He was our google. Another commendable thing about him was his punctuality. I remember him getting ready 15min early for his office or any other appointment. He maintained strict discipline in his office too. His staff had immense respect for him and even today everyone remembers him for his caring nature.

 An avid reader

Talking about his reading hobby, I can go on and on. He was a voracious reader since his college days. Radio and books were his best friends. When he got any book, he would not sit quietly unless he finished reading that book. He would usually read books after dinner and then there was no one to stop him. There was no fixed genre. He would read all types of books. The PDKV library which was under him is huge with more than 1.5 lakh books on different subjects at present and I am sure, during his tenure, the number must be equally good. He had knowledge about each and every book in his library and where it was placed. My father has inculcated his love for books in us also. During summer vacation, he would get different types of books from his library for us. We would eagerly wait to read all books and discuss with him. Even today book is the common and most loved topic of discussion for me and my siblings. 

As a daughter of a librarian, whose entire life revolved around books, I feel that it’s my duty to continue his legacy. My motive behind starting this blog is to share my experience after reading any book. With the onset of mobile, reading habit has been forsaken. My wish is to inspire more and more people to take up reading. From my experience, I have found that you get immense joy when you read and write something. Because of this hobby, my father could keep himself engaged and motivated, till the last day of his life fighting several health issues. Writing can be another way of catharsis for us. When you write your thoughts, you create something new. I wish, my father had written some motivational book. It would have been a great help to so many students. 

A humble person

Despite holding a very high position at his workplace, my father led a simple life. He would help my mother in chopping vegetables, ironing clothes, dropping her to the office and so many other small things which I never noticed at that time. When I read IKIGAI, there was a term “microflow state” where a person finds relaxation in doing small jobs. It is mentioned in that book that Bill Gates also washes his dishes after dinner. My father too derived pleasure from small jobs. He always supported my mother in her career. Even when we were too young and my mother would travel to different cities he would take care of us. When my mother got transferred to another city for 1 year, he managed everything on his own. His trick of washing utensils was very amusing. Once when I came on a weekend from my hostel, he gave this amazing demo. He would put all the vessels in a sink, add some powder and then splash water in full force with a pipe. In that process, he would splash half of the water on himself. He had discovered his dishwasher back then. 

An Idealist

My father was of revolutionary views. He never followed any rituals just because others followed them. But he believed in God. He would not eat anything before performing his puja. He would never hesitate to give his favorite veranda for ten days to my brother and his friends. They would perform Ganesh Puja for complete 10 days in our veranda. We used to have a record player at that time. He didn’t mind giving that record player to my brother during those 10 days. He always wanted people to listen to good music. He was a great admirer of Shivaji Maharaj. I remember, He bought a rare photo of Shivaji Maharaj and got it framed and placed it in our drawing room. When anyone would come to our house that picture would catch their attention. Once, when my brother made a sketch of Dr. Punjabrao Deshmukh, my father framed and placed it in his office. He would always read biographies of great leaders and I feel that was the reason behind his idealist thoughts.

A true music lover

Sometimes it is difficult to tell what was my father’s first love? Was it reading or music? Music always dominated in our house. It worked as a remedy for all his tensions. He was very meticulous about his cassettes and records. He would keep them properly arranged, segregated in separate boxes with proper labels. If by mistake, I placed any cassette in the wrong box, he would not tolerate it. That was his only treasure. After his retirement, he would spend all the afternoons and evenings listening to Hindustani classical music and ghazals of legends like Mehdi Hasan, Ghulam Ali, Farida Khanum, Beghum Akhtar, Jagjit Singh, Nusrat Fateh Ali khan. We had one Urdu to Hindi dictionary. We would sit with him and enjoy some light ghazals. He would explain each line of any shayari beautifully. My interest in ghazals developed at a very early stage because of my father. Whenever I listen to “Mujhe tum nazar se gira to rahe ho” of Mehdi Hasan I miss my father terribly, because it was our favorite ghazal. It was a bit funny, that he enjoyed the classical version and I enjoyed the film version of the same ghazal. Both of us would listen to our songs by turn. 

A teacher

My father loved teaching. He taught library science to many students. After coming back from his office, he would rush towards Commerce College for his classes. He had inspired so many students who had lost their track and were into bad habits. I remember while he checked the answer sheets of library science he would call me and show the funny answers written by the students. Some had “Sorry Sir, will study next time”, some would write” please turn over. .Please turn over and on the last page they would write “please turn back”. Some had the daring to come to our place for increasing their marks but their efforts were futile.

When I had typhoid during my 3rd year engineering exams, I was unable to read due to weakness. I was disappointed that I would not able to study for exams. At that time, he would read all the notes for me, making sure that I was well prepared to give my exams. He would also help many youngsters in our society with their studies. With his guidance, my mother also appeared for BA exams. He always strived to give us best education. I wonder how he managed all the financial things so well. All three of us studied engineering and he was ever ready to do anything for us. He would encourage us to study further. My sister fulfilled his dream and attained a doctorate in her field. He was overwhelmed to see her achievement. Apart from this, he made notes on nursing and nutrition science also. My mother worked as a tutor in a nursing college. He would translate the content from English to Marathi so that students would understand everything perfectly. His notes were in great demand and eventually, it got him in trouble. Because all the tutors would ask my mother to write notes of their subjects also. But my father would enjoy that too. He had a zeal to learn and teach new things. 

My father was an inspiration to many people. One of his subordinates and friend “Mr. Rokade” was very dear to him. My father motivated Rokade Kaka (uncle) to pursue a library science degree. He was so inspired by my father’s guidance that he not only completed his Post Graduation but even acquired a doctorate degree later. They were like “Guru-shishya”. When Rokade kaka published his own book, my father wrote the “Expert View” in his book. It was a proud moment for him. I have added that picture here.

A giver all his life

 My father’s life has been a great example of selfless service. He was least fond of materialistic things. So many times we would coax him to buy a new two-wheeler but he was happy with his Luna. He had a special attachment to it. Even after getting promoted to the highest post of University Librarian, he refused to buy a new vehicle. He was very devoted to his Luna. This reminds me of an incident, he shared with us. He had to cross the railway track every day to reach his office. Once, while returning from his office, his Luna broke down and he started repairing it there itself. He was so engrossed in his Luna that he forgot where he was standing. Suddenly he heard the railway signal and he got alarmed. With full capacity he lifted his Luna and somehow, he managed to get on the other side. My father was not a mighty man. He had a very good height but was lean. I still wonder how he must have gathered the courage to lift that Luna. Years later, he gave his favorite Luna to one guy who would come for his physiotherapy and didn’t charge a single penny. He always believed in giving. He helped so many people financially in their difficult days and never bothered about the money. Donation of old cycles, beds, coolers, and the fridge was nothing strange to us. Owing to my parents’ love for animals, many times our veranda was converted into a hospital. I don’t remember how many cats had delivered their kittens in our air cooler. These simple acts of kindness have always helped my parents to overcome big challenges in their life. I am so glad to know that his old dream house is being used again for teaching purposes. The owners of that house are conducting scholarship exam coaching classes. So many kids are being trained in that blessed house and they are passing out with flying colors. 

In his later stage, my father faced many health issues but he would always face them courageously and come out of it. He was paralyzed, unable to walk. Still, he would keep himself busy and motivated. My parents had different professions, but they had a very good relationship, right from the beginning. They used to fight but the very next moment I would find them chatting or watching TV together. My mother took ultimate care of my father when he was bedridden for almost 5 years. During those days also they shared a loving relationship. He would wish her “Happy Valentine’s Day” even when he could not speak clearly. He would always keep a slate and chalk near his bed to convey his feelings. Over the period, my father didn’t need that too. Mother would guess his needs and feelings instantly. She would call it telepathy. Both of them shared a unique bond. 

My father-in-law said a very beautiful line about him. He said my father was like Baji Prabhu Deshpande who was a great warrior in Shivaji Maharaj’s military and fought bravely for Swaraj until the last breath of his life. My father too continued to teach and guide his students even after losing his ability to walk and speak. When he could not walk he would explain things to his students on phone. One day he lost his voice while teaching his student for 2 hours continuously on phone. He didn’t stop there. He continued with his reading and writing work. Throughout his life, my father was into selfless service and after his demise, he did the biggest charity of body donation. It was his wish that after his death, his body should be donated to medical college for education and research. He dedicated his full life to the welfare of students. 

I read somewhere a very sensible quote about donation by Peter Marshall, which is “The measure of life is not its duration but its donation”. There is one very heart-touching movie “Traffic” based on this subject. Everyone should watch this movie. Whenever I watch it, I get very emotional. It reminds me of my father’s great deed. Throughout his life, my father had been imparting knowledge and his selfless service continued even when he left this world. 

My sister has proudly displayed my father’s certificate in her house. When I look at it, I feel so proud of my father. He was no less than a Martyr. Today, I am sharing that certificate with all.

when I wrote my father’s story I never expected it would be of 5 pages.  One thing I did seriously was pray to God and take my father’s blessings before writing anything. I would ask him to give me correct words to describe him. I started writing and it went on and on. My expectation was to touch at least 1 person who would relate to my emotions. The feeling of losing someone especially a parent is very painful. Somewhere I knew in my heart that some people will be touched by my story. I got so many nice and emotional comments from my friends, my brother’s friends and sister’s friends. It was overwhelming. These comments are not mine but these are for my father whose story was so powerful that anyone would get emotional. I have written all the comments in this post as a small gesture of gratitude towards my friends.  I have copy pasted them as they were written because every single line coming from my friends is precious to me.

comments

You write very well. I do read all your blogs and the blog about your father made me re live the moments. Keep on writing. Ashish Kulkarni GCOE Amravati

@Ashwini Kulkarni your words painted a vivid and touching portrait of the love and admiration you have for him……👏👏 – Mamta Kumar

This one is worth reading friends. One thing for sure. You will become a fan of her father🔥.And her writing is so touching👏👏 Expecting more from you Mam🙏- Athul Sir, Trivandrum

I just read it n I have tears in my eyes.
Ma’am you have written it so beautifully that anyone can relate with the situation especially the kids of the 90’s era.
Truly your father was blessed with so many qualities still he was very down to earth. Your family is so lucky to spend memorable time with such a giver and kind person and it’s a reason behind all his qualities are inherited to you and the biggest thing is you are inspiring more n more people to read being so kind and true person. It’s a fantastic idea to write a book coz there’s no doubt about your writing skills. When I was reading it I was lost in my olden days especially playing with friends no matter how scorching hot days they were, rented VCR, reading comics all day (billu, Pinki chacha chaudhary, nagraj etc) , stealing guavas from neighbour’s tree and many more incidents.Thank you ma’am for writing such blog.You are the shadow of your father in writing and behaviour too. Keep writing …this will be the biggest gratitude to your father🙏🏻
Ruchi Sharma, Dalhousie

Brilliant write up. Very moving. And catchy also.
It’s so far best among your articles.
It brings about a mix of emotions.
Doctor Vikrant

It’s very inspiring and motivating Biography
Commendable job.🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 – Usha

Ashwini i m not surprise of your wonderful talent,ur way of expression n when its your father phir kyya bolu🙇🏼‍♀️🙇🏼‍♀️wil b reading .. gr8 thankyou n congrats god bless dear🙌🏻🙌🏻💐💐💐💐 Mrs Vidhate

I took time to read the whole article, so I’m commenting on it now. Now, I know where your writing skills come from. No wonder you, too, are an avid reader and spread the importance and make everyone aware of being a good reader. Your father had a very inspiring life. This is something all of us must learn. Thank you for sharing this. 👍🏻👌🏻 – Aasha

प्रिय राधा अनेक आशीर्वाद 🙏लेख वाचताना मला अतिशय गहिवरून आलं.मला ते नेहमी मानस पुत्र म्हणायचे.मी त्यांच्या समवेत खूपच समरस झालो होतो.माझ्या जवळ त्यांच्या सुवर्ण आठवणी आहेत.मी स्वप्न रूपाने पाहत असतो.मला नेहमी संपूर्ण कुटू बाचे स्मरण होत असते.पप्पूच्या लहानपणीच्या प्राथमिक शाळेत जाण्याच्या गोष्टी आठवतात. अंजुबाई खूप अभ्यास करायची. राधाबाई हुशार होत्या.बऱ्याच गोष्टी आहेत.पप्पुच्या सासरवडीला सुध्दा जाऊन आलो होतो.त्यांना आनंद झाला होता. बरे असो.अभिनंदन सुवर्ण आठवणींना उजाळा मिळाला. राधाबाई चे कौतुक करावे तितके कमी आहे.भेटी अंती खुलासा 👍🙏डॉ.श्रीराम रोकडे

Excellent Radha…..kaka stood up in front of eyes….Excellent writeup….he must feel very proud n happy looking your writing skill…where ever he is….Ishwar may keep him in Devine happiness wherever he is ….bless you …-Samidha tai

This has made me so emotional..it’s so good to know so many amazing things about Kaka..i am sure he is very proud of his talented, loving n kind daughter.- This got me so emotional Radha!!! Such a moving write up n his true legacy is his kids who remember n cherish every minute detail of his!! I m sure he is in a happier place n is very proud of u !! Radha….reading those lines…i could not stop my tears. U r a very good daughter. He must be so proud of u!—Rucha

Very well expressed Radha 🙏- Prashant Chendke

great writeup- Supriya shinde

very much inspiring , n also related to my father, Nice to read n remember ur loved one in this way- Jyoti

got and read too..amazing ! very inspirational too! radha has a very high esteem for her Daddy..very very proud of her Dad! nd why not- Menfy Bhaiya

… अगदी आपले लहानपण डोळ्यापुढे आले ग… हुबेहूब वर्णन केले आहेस… काका 🙏🏻 खरंच एक वेगळेच व्यक्तिमत्त्व होते… सगळ्यांपेक्षा वेगळे…. काका- काकुंच्या छान स्वभावामुळे आपल्या लहानपण च्या आठवणींना चार चाँद लागले…. 😍 लहानपण आठवलं की तुझे घर आधी डोळ्यासमोर येते… जास्तीतजास्त वेळ तुझ्याच घरी घालवला आहे आपण🤗…. मस्त लिहिले आहे 😘😘- swati

Khoop chan lihele aahe g Radhu ni. Agdi sopya shabdat pan heart -touching.wachatanna Pani aale dolyat .Angali tu khoop thuzya babansarkhi aahes.really he was very great personality.🙏🏻🙏🏻- Sneha gachke

Good evening…The way you expressed about your Father’s lif , only girls(you) can do it….Every small n minutes things  you remember like fresh memories.I like ur father’s journey of life…He was really amazing person…tabhi to aap jaise beti h uncle ki….Many points of uncle’s characteristics match with you… you r also a very nice n talented person…God bless you…🙌 – Sunita Pal

Mr. Patil (was in yesterday s comment) called up Abhay and appreciated. Said that writing is like a professional writer -Mr. Patil

खुपच छान आठवणी लिहील्या आहेत राधा बाळुदादाच्या.मी पण अगदी हाच विचार मनात आणत होतो त्यास तु तुझ्या लेखणीतुन प्रगट  खुपच छान प्रकारे व्यक्त केल्या आहेस.तुझे खुप कौतुक व आदरणीय बाळुदादास भावपुर्ण आदरांजलीहो ना मी पण खुप miss करतो बाळुदादास. आँफीसच्या कामानिमित्त मी जेव्हा जेव्हा नागपूर येथे जात असु तेव्हा तेव्हा प्रतेक खेपेस मी तुमच्या कडे येऊन ऐक,दोन दिवस मुक्काम करत असे,तेव्हा आईच्या (वहिनी) हातचे गरम गरम जेवण विशेष पोळ्या खात असे सोबत बाळू दादा असायचाच तोंडीलावयला.भरपूर बोलत असे तो तसेच रात्री पण झोपताना ऊशीरा परयं विविध विषयावर गप्पा होत असतं.याची नेहमीच आठवण येते मनात माझ्या. तु खरचं सुंदर च बायोग्राफी लिहीली आहेस.कौतुक तुझे.अमोघ कसा आहे आता?- Sunil Deshpande, Aurangabad

Excellent trip down the memory lane.Also for any daughter her father is first and last hero. One can feel shades of his upbringing in your personality. Best is that you could pen it down. He will feel proud of you from wherever he is. Majority of our generation had fathers with similar shades of personality, the generation itself was brought up itself with some value system which helped us grow. Great blog. – unknown

राधा,खूप छान लिहिलय. बाबांची संपूर्ण बायोग्राफी उभी केलीस.चतुर्थ स्मरणदिनानिमीत्ताने आमचीही बाबांना विनम्र श्रद्धांजली. आई बाबा.- Vasant Kulkarni

M speechless Radha, you expressed it soo well 👍🏻👍🏻Shilpa Rajurkar

Well written Radha. Loved it. Your words paint a beautiful picture of your father’s life journey. We get to know his personality very well without ever knowing him.Great tribute…he must b so proud of you��God Bless – Unknown

त्या आठवणी आज ही कायम आहेत.- Arun Parbhanikar

Really a emotional writeup. Very well expressed.- Sheetal Mangla

Very well expressed-Shailaja Kiran

Certainly a great writing when a daughter writes about her father…🙏- Ashish Kulkarni Extc

Khup chhan lihile Radha. Aata kalale ki tula ha varsa kuthun milala. Aaj Sunday aslyane ani tuzya vadilansathi tu lihile  tyamule vel kadhun purn vachle. Kahi english words samjale nahit pan bhavna pohochlya. Khup chhan vatavaran milale tula ani guidance pan.- Sarika Pimpalgaonkar

Radha, I am not sure why I am not able to post the comments against your blogs 😁 but anyways. I will fix it. This is what I was trying to post there…Radha, thanks for sharing such an inspiring journey of your father. I could visualise it while reading every sentence of this story and could relate to many similar things. That’s a depth of your writing skill. You are definitely taking your father’s legacy ahead…he must be so proud of you. And your blogs are really motivating. At least you have motivated me for sure. I am not a regular book reader but after reading you, I have started devoting some time for it now 🙂 keep writing and I wish you come up with your own book soon 🙂 Poonam Mahajan

Straight from heart.🙏🏼Very well written. I am really amazed by your writing skills. Very touching. Its good you have written it. otherwise we would not have known it. Pallavi Dadhi

Ashwini I have just read through your story.Each word comes from the heart and I came to know what a great loving person your father was and that you carry the same spirit in you.All facets of his life have been crafted and written so emotionally.What a graphic story told with love,respect and fond remembrances. God Bless you. Ashwini you have so painstakingly written your father’s story and I can easily visualise him.This is a labour of love and respect and a picture forms all facets of his personality and your early formative years.You are blessed. – Poonam Misra

FB post Chan hoti mala June diwas aawathwale. Mala yach changal watat ki shewtchya diwasat mi sobat hote- Rajani Aatya